i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
