So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
