I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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