My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
