last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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