I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
