Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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