It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
