i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So here I am, sexting at work.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
