She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also, beer. Big fan.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
