Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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