I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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