if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
