I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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