Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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