i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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