I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
