I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize