we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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