Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize