I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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