Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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