They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
