He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
