trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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