I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You did what with his pubic hair?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
