It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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