Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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