THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?