i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
