Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
