AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Enjoy the penises
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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