there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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