I've blown a few things in my day
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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