11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.