Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn