So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen