Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest