You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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