I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
