im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize