I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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