So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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