Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
