Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
