I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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