I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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