I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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