Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
