I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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