Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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