forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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