The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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