I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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