based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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