as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
