You can't special order awesome
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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