My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
