So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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