like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
