Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
